Motivation....or started that way

Here is a blog entry for the New Year. For me it probably weighs on my mind, directly or indirectly more than almost anything. To use one word it would be Motivation, but as simple as it is to string those 7 letters as 10 characters together, it is inversely difficult to comprehend, define and place a finger on the complexities of M O T I V A T I O N.

 

Preface: I wish my fingers could type as fast as my mind moves and jumps from one thought to another.

 

 

Some people are motivated by completing goals, some by money, some by pleasing God, some by being cool, some by helping others, some by getting their next fix, yet others by survival, finding their next meal, some by the lives of their children, some by being accepted, others by not failing, others by the stars, some happiness, and still many, many others. I do not know what is right, I have a better idea of what isn’t, but I think the bottom line is decided for each individual at the present time. People change their motivations depending on the parameters of the situation. Hopefully falling in the realm of consistency (if that is important to them) but sometimes so far astray they regroup and determine for what they are doing.

 

I’m sure at some point I have fallen under all those categories (minus the children and stars), however, now I have a hard time placing a finger on it. Yeah, God is good he’s hooked me up with whatever I needed. I would probably place myself in the 90^th percentile for most blessed people for the way my life has turned out. But as great as God is, the abstract concept is too much for my meager mind to manipulate motivation.

 

Right now what motivates me is finding an avenue where I can make a global contribution to awareness and acceptance. However, the search is exhausting and provides little day-day comforts. I guess when spending most of one’s time in the world of ideas instead of events or people it can be easy to lose daily stimulants. Breaking people’s chains of comfort, for the sake of growth, also motivates me; those who limit themselves for protection and do not challenge and search for what is in their hearts. For when there is internal peace and acceptance, it is broadcasted to the world. However, I find it ironic my inability to do so for my own accord.

 

Granted there is something to be said about everything being a journey as opposed to a destination, but on a minute-to-minute basis, that theory can be draining and offers little reassurance or change. And prayer provides the same consolation of the long run, I guess my biggest problem is patience. I do not think I will ever accept no matter how hard I press, the decisions of mine rarely present change elements. For if not me, than who?

Be a Change Element!

 

Gift Giving ...who knew?

We piled our almost 200 wrapped (thanks Alice) gifts into the back of the pickup and we headed off to the four corners of Talanga.

 

Our first destination was in the northeast near the highschool of Brassavola, we turned down a street of about nine houses and started our giving. Some more thankful than others, and some kids who were just afraid of us, made the initial giving a bit uneasy. A bittersweet feeling passed through as one of the older kids 11ish seemed to be disappointed because he didn’t get as big of a car as an 8 year old. Now I’m not sure if I should be enjoying this, but a little blow to his high horse was almost made it easy to overlook his greedy desire for a bigger car. We left the street and headed to Nuevo San Diego, probably the most visibly poor section of Talanga, and new terrain for me. We drove, and drove, and as I maneuvered the car to the best of my ability with Chico’s less than concise directions, we wound up at the foothill of the mountain. Alice dismounted and ascended to the first house were a little girl lived. As I met her halfway up the hill with a doll, the others followed suit. It was then, the gift giving became more of an eye/mind opener than a simple brightening of people’s day.

 

Once people saw what we were doing they came darting out of houses, to get in on the action. At first this made our job extremely easy as we would speak to the people as they came. However as the word spread, so did the amount of people. It became overwhelming and we spent more time figuring out if we had already given the kids gifts than getting to know them. I had to resort to mind games in order to have kids confess whether or not they had received a gift. If I asked them if they had received a gift, of course they would say no. But if I asked them if they wanted another gift, they of course would say yes, but I would tell them we have to share. Instead of wishing individuals a Merry Christmas with a friendly message and smile, we resorted to frustrated mass givings. It was when mothers went back into their homes to retrieve their 1 & 2 year old sleeping babies, I knew it was a feeling beyond greed which caused these people to behave the way they did.

 

I guess when one has so little, any attempt to attain something must be done. The worse thing we, as givers, can say is no, and I’m sure these people have lived with more No’s than you and I could possibly imagine. So when they say Dame or Give Me!, it isn’t because they are rude or discourteous, that is something we have created to separate ourselves from them and make ourselves feel more privledged. Can we really put the blame on them for the environment they have grown up in? Without please and thank you as a regular part of their surroundings how can we expect them to use it?

 

With all of these being afterthoughts, I was become frustrated and I wanted to leave. The only exit to the foothill of the mountain was the same entrance, and having no reason to anticipate a quick escape the car/no idea where we were going, the car was pulled forward. Tyler and I had already switched duties/driving & giving. So it was up to Tyler to reverse out without hitting anyone. With Alice and I pinned into the bed of the truck asking kids to move, and telling them we were moving on, Tyler carefully maneuvered the vehicle out of the deadend. It was a combination of frustration and entertainment that took over as we rode from the Northwest Corner of Talanga to the Southwest. Alice was in charge of girls, and I, boys. If there was a kid on the street who qualified for our gift giving, we would either hand or launch gifts in their general direction. Feeling as if I was in a float throwing candy, I hopefully brightened kids days as a tightly wound jumprope fell into their unexpecting arms.

 

We arrived up the hill and almost the same situation took place. The first group of kids were great, and thankful…flattered we had chosen their homes to give gifts. But as the masses grew, people started asking for their siblings at home. The worst part for me, was Chico wanted to stop at a friends and visit, thus hanging Alicia and I to defend for ourselves in the back of the truck trying to save gifts for the last place.

 

Our final destination went the most smoothly as we gave out gifts to the thankful kids, none of whom wanted more than one. We left the deadend as our supplies were dwindling, so as to not upset any kids if they were too late. We tossed the remaining gifts as we drove on out.

 

It was a very special day and a new level of awareness was born.